Column: A boombox and a piece of cardboard

Dear readers,

Let’s go straight to the mailbag.

Dear Kris,

What were you doing over by The Helbing last Saturday? It looked like you had a giant piece of cardboard. My wife thought you might have purchased a new appliance and was carrying the empty box out to the recycle place on N. Michigan Road.

Later someone on Facebook claimed some old man was break dancing under The Helbing. I couldn’t help but wonder if these two events were connected. As our local expert on all things Helbing, what was going on last Saturday?

Sincerely,

Loyal Reader

Dear Loyal Reader,

Yes, I was the old-timer break dancing at The Helbing. I know that I am too old for such things, but watching the break dancing at the Paris Olympics inspired me.

I hadn’t even thought about breaking since the 1980s. I believed it was gone for good along with Bartles and Jaymes wine coolers, ghetto blasters, and Tone-Loc. I know some of you are thinking “good riddance.”

Oh no, William Faulkner was right, “the past isn’t dead.”

Fast-forward 40 years and last Friday break dancing was coming live from Paris as an Olympic event.  I couldn’t believe my eyes.

Watching those Olympic athletes toprock, downrock, and spin on their heads brought back memories from the Reagan administration. Of course, the Gipper and the First Lady didn’t bust any breaking moves themselves, but the dance craze was popular when they were in the White House.

After watching the Olympic breaking competition on TV, I looked around in the basement for my old boombox. Shur enuf, it was still there peeking out from behind the water heater. I dusted it off and discovered that it still had a Tone-Loc tape in the player. After borrowing some batteries from my granddaughters’ toys, Tone-Loc was shaking the house singing about that “Funky Cold Medina.”

On a side note, sometime during the Clinton administration when Tone-Loc’s popularity had taken a dive, I saw him at halftime during an Indianapolis Ice game. Tone-Loc was the musical entertainment while actor George Lindsey (famous for playing Goober on the Andy Griffith Show) signed autographs and did Cary Grant impersonations, “Judy, Judy, Judy!”

Daydreaming is over. Let’s get back to the Olympics in 2024. I shouted USA, USA from my recliner, but the country where break dancing was invented didn’t do so well.

In the women’s division, Japan’s b-girl, Ami Yuasa, took home the gold.  The silver was won by Lithuania’s Dominika “Nica” Banevic and bronze by China’s b-girl, Q.G. Liu.

The American men didn’t fare much better with Canadian Phil “Wizzard” Kim taking gold. The silver went to France’s Danny Dann.  America’s only medal was bronze won by Victor Montalvo.

The next summer Olympics are in Los Angeles in 2028. Break dancing will not be an event in L.A. It is probably for the best.

Maybe America can take back the gold skateboarding in 2028.  In Paris, even with Snoop Dogg and Tony Hawk cheering on the Americans, the gold went to Australian Keegan Palmer.

See you all next week, same Schwinn time, same Schwinn channel.

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