Column: A hundred grand for a brand

column-a-hundred-grand-for-a-brand

Dear readers,

It looks like Shelbyville is serious about getting a new brand. The city has hired Hirons, an Indianapolis based advertising agency, to the tune of $100,000 to come up with a new brand by mid-July.

The entire city is all abuzz. Goodbye “Pride in Progress.”

Let’s get to the mailbag. Enjoy!

Dear Kris,

Wow, you have already had several columns dedicated to finding a new brand for Shelbyville. Shelbyville has now hired an advertising agency.  What if the advertising agency ends up using one of the suggestions from your column? Will they have to pay you? 

Dear Show me the money,

Team Schwinn is here to serve the public. The Hirons firm is welcome to use any of my ideas. Although, I’ll admit to being a bit disappointed that I wasn’t mentioned in their press release.

Hirons announced they would be working with the Tourism and Visitor’s Bureau, Chamber of Commerce, and Blue River Community Foundation, but no mention of Team Schwinn. I’ll just drop by their first strategic branding workshop to brainstorm with the rebranding team. I learned all about advertising from Don Draper. He was the creative director at Sterling Cooper. I saw him work his magic for several TV episodes of “Mad Men.” 

I do hope they go with “Shelbyville, Gateway to Boggstown.” I read where they were hoping to come up with a brand that would be “timeless.” Since Boggstown isn’t likely to relocate, I think the brand could work forever. 

Dear Kris,

My friends and I are all Generation Z. You really should keep up with the times by including your preferred pronouns every week in your column. I liked some of the new brands you have proposed for Shelbyville. I do have a suggestion that will not only improve one of your ideas but also bring it into the 21st century.

Say this brand out loud a few times and let me know what you think.  “Shelbyville, Home of The Helbing, Pronoun, Whatever!”

Dear Generation Z,

Fun fact, in Canada your generation is pronounced “Zed.” I like your idea. I think the public might too. “Whatever” is a pronoun. I’ll check with Mike Helbing, creator of The Helbing and see what he thinks of your pronoun suggestion.

Dear Kris,

I’ve heard some folks complaining about Shelbyville paying an advertising agency a hundred grand to help the city come up with a new brand. I’m sure the agency will help us sell our old brand.

“Pride in Progress” just feels old to us because we’ve been living with it for a long time. I’m sure there is a city somewhere ready to jump at the chance to buy “Pride in Progress” for the discounted amount of fifty grand.

Dear Used Brand Salesman,

I agree, the old brand must be worth something. I’m not sure it is worth half of the cost of a new one, but we’ll see.

Let’s end this week’s column with other suggestions for our new brand that readers have suggested.

“Much More Than a Ville”

“Shelbyville, We Don’t Like Change, So Bring Cash”

“Just Like Mayberry, Except All Barney”

See you all next week, same Schwinn time, same Schwinn channel.

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