Column: Back to school advice

column-back-to-school-advice

Dear readers,

When I was a child, my grandfather, Brady Meltzer, told me that it seemed to him like time was passing by faster and faster the older he got. This came to mind last week when my grandchildren were preparing to head back to school. I decided that I should give them some grandfatherly back-to-school advice and take a photo for posterity.

I didn’t tell my grandchildren about how I didn’t have to go back to school until after Labor Day. I didn’t want to unnecessarily add to their back-to-school angst.

They listened somewhat attentively to the advice I passed down from my grandfather. I then told them it was time for our annual, somewhat corny, posed back-to-school picture for this week’s column. 

My request for them to get into their costumes and pose for a Norman Rockwellesque photo was not met with much enthusiasm. In unison, all three asked that age-old children’s question, “Do we have to?”   

The oldest, June, will be starting sixth grade at Shelbyville Middle School this year.  Almost 30 years ago, her father, my son, Trent, was starting sixth grade. It seems like just yesterday that I was giving him fatherly advice. I decided to just reminisce and use a photo of Trent when he was headed into the sixth grade.

Mr. Peabody have your boy, Sherman, fire up the Wayback machine. Join me now as I pass out back-to-school advice to my son, Trent, as he begins middle school. Listen in.

Trent: Dad, since I’m starting middle school, I was thinking maybe it’s time for me to get contacts. I also need new clothes. Could you buy me Michael Jordan tennis shoes this year?

Kris:  Well, I could waste my hard-earned money on contacts and new mod clothes. Instead, I’ve taken all the extra money I saved for your college education and invested it in Beanie Babies. I can just fix your glasses with some tape. Besides, you are much more likely to grow up to be a lawyer than a pro basketball player. I think I have some used wingtips that will fit you. The shoes will go with your dress pants. A solid color shirt with a button-down collar and bow tie will complete the ensemble.

Trent:  Don’t you think the other boys will think I look stupid when I arrive for my first day of middle school dressed like I a lawyer?

Kris:  Probably so. But believe me, you won’t look any more stupid than the boys arriving at middle school wearing Air Jordans and basketball jerseys pretending they are ready to play in the NBA.

Epilogue: The photo of sixth grader Trent Meltzer was taken in front of the bookshelf of law books located just outside of Shelby Circuit Court, where he now presides as Judge Trent Meltzer. Just a coincidence, or foreshadowing?

I asked Trent what he thought about that photo. He said, “Just think where I would be if you had bought me those Air Jordans and taken the photo in front of Market Square Arena.”

As Paul Harvey says, “Now you know the rest of the story.” 

Oh, I almost forgot. The back-to-school advice from my grandfather, Brady, I passed on to my granddaughters was, “Leave your chewing tobacco and slingshot at home.”

As good of advice today as it was in the last century. 

See you all next week, same Schwinn time, same Schwinn channel.

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