Column: Easter at the Helbing, a Shelbyville tradition

column-easter-at-the-helbing-a-shelbyville-tradition

Dear readers,

Happy Easter from Team Schwinn and all of us here at GIANT fm and the Shelby County Post. Team Schwinn will be having our usual easter egg hunt at “The Helbing.” If you see us when driving past, give us a honk. 

It’s been a while since I opened the mail, so let’s see what’s in the mailbag this week.

Several readers are very confused about the eclipse occurring a week from tomorrow. I won’t mention any names because I’ve noticed that some comments on Facebook can be quite cruel. I don’t want readers who write to me for help to be subject to public ridicule.

My wife thinks all the letters I received about the eclipse are just part of an elaborate prank. She says some of the college boys at the Delta Tau Chi house are once again up to their usual brand of hijinks. She might be correct, but I can’t take the chance of ignoring these loyal readers of mine. The letters are full of angst.

All those who wrote letters are having nightmares about the upcoming eclipse. Most are having nightmares about the end of the world. One said that for years they have had a recurring dream about being on the highway and having to go to the bathroom. Just when they think they can’t hold it any longer a Buc-ee’s is spotted on the horizon. Making it into Buc-ee’s famous bathroom, they discover row after row of pay toilets. Just like the toilets in bus stations during the Eisenhower administration.

Anyway, I digress. The readers angst seems to be that they are all confusing “eclipse” with “apocalypse.”

A week from Monday, thousands of people will come to Shelbyville for the “eclipse.” The moon will pass between the earth and the sun. When it does, it will block out the view of the sun. With the sun blocked by the moon, it will be dark just like night. However, for only a little over four minutes, so not long enough for a nap. You might as well get some of those special eclipse glasses and watch it happen.

The “apocalypse” on the other hand is the destruction of the world as described in the biblical book of Revelation. Psychics and astrologers have been predicting the day of the apocalypse for centuries and have never been right. So, I wouldn’t spend too much time worrying about it.

If you keep having the nightmare about pay toilets, just put a couple of nickels in the pocket of your pajamas.

 See you all next week, same Schwinn time, same Schwinn channel.

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