Column: Happy Easter

Dear readers,

Happy Easter from Team Schwinn and all of us here at GIANT fm and the Shelby County Post. Been a while since I opened the mail, so let’s see what’s in the mailbag this week.

Dear Kris,

I enjoyed last week’s column about your road trip to Detroit. Weaving together a tale that included Ford trucks, Aretha Franklin’s “Freeway of Love,” Trace Adkins’ “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” and a mention of Tallulah Bankhead all in about 500 words was nothing less than amazing. I thought the title should have been, “Come for the Bathtub Gin, Stay for the Badonkadonk.”    

Long time reader, Cosmo

Dear Cosmo,

I love your title. I will use it for the column if I ever get around to publishing another booklet of readers’ favorite columns. Speaking of Trace Adkins, he is going to be in Nashville, Indiana, at the Brown County Music Center on June 29.

Dear Kris,

I recently read that the Shelby County Tourism and Visitors Bureau was recognized by the Indiana Tourism Association for its excellent bicentennial swag.

I am not familiar with the term “swag.” It sounded like maybe it was some sort of beverage concoction. I imagined it to be like what we called a “hairy buffalo” at the Delta house in my college days. Could you get the recipe from Tourism Director Rachael Ackley?  Even better, maybe she could serve it at your next soirée at “The Helbing.” I could use a good swig of that swag.

Yours truly, Pinto

Dear Pinto,

Let me take a wild guess. You pledged Delta at Faber College, motto: “Knowledge is Good.” Your posse included Otto, Flounder, Bluto, and Boon.

You frat guys are always trying to put one over on columnists like me and Ann Landers. You and your brothers deserve twenty lashes with a wet noodle. However, you do have a point. Swag does sound like it could be a beverage. Instead, it is merchandise. 

Shelby County Tourism won for its bicentennial items including the community pins. Last year it won Best Specialty Item for the Downtown Shelbyville Walking Guide. Hopefully there will be another win next year for their promotion of The Helbing as a destination. 

Speaking of The Helbing, several of you saw on Facebook that it was being moved to Waldron. You should have noticed the date on that post was April 1. Mohawks can stop celebrating. You aren’t getting Shelbyville’s Helbing. 

Dear Kris,

I have recently noticed that trivia games are becoming as popular as karaoke in our community. I can’t sing, so I couldn’t ever participate in the karaoke fun. I was hoping to have better luck in trivia competitions.  I’ve started watching the Andy Griffith Show. I am hoping to compete in future trivia contests. After watching several episodes of the show, I am confused. Andy Taylor is in every episode along with his deputy Barnie Fife but where is the Andy Griffith character?

Just sign me puzzled in Mayberry.

Dear Puzzled,

Jack Yeend is Team Schwinn’s official Mayberry trivia expert. I would refer your question to Jack, but it is so easy even I know the answer.  You should take some singing lessons. I think you have a better chance at karaoke.

See you all next week, same Schwinn time, same Schwinn channel.

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