Column: Look, it’s my first totally awesome column of 2024

column-look-it-s-my-first-totally-awesome-column-of-2024

Dear readers,

Wow, it’s a brand-new year.

Like typing teacher Terry Markland always said, “practice makes perfect.” Take out a fresh sheet of paper and sharpen your No. 2 Ticonderoga pencil. Now practice writing the words Mayor Scott Furgeson and the number 2024.  

You can thank me later. I know my readers and most of you haven’t yet gotten used to saying King Charles the third and Queen Elizabeth died in 2022. Some of you were still dating your checks 2022 a couple of months ago. By practicing now, hopefully you won’t have to void every other check you write this year, and you will remember it is now Mayor Furgeson not Mayor DeBaun.

Speaking of former Mayor Tom DeBaun, that brings us to my first reader letter of 2024.

Dear Kris,

I saw where Mayor Tom DeBaun gave Mitch Brown, also known as rapper “Kid Quill” the “Key to the City.” Mayor DeBaun said the purpose of bestowing the honor on Kid Quill was to support local artists and recognize something or other. Maybe it was “artistic expression” or maybe “authentic expression,” whatever.

Upon receiving the key, Mr. Quill said he is proud to show local kids that it’s possible to do anything you want to do, provided it’s being a rapper.

Kris, just like Kid Quill, you graduated from Shelbyville High School. For more years than the Kid’s been rapping, you have been showing local kids that it’s possible to write a cheesy weekly column. I’m sure more local kids want to follow in Mr. Quill’s footsteps than yours. Just the same, aren’t you disappointed that Mayor DeBaun didn’t give you the key to the city? With little effort, DeBaun could have made a second key on the machine at Walmart.

Also, I was also wondering if in 2024 we can look forward to you joining Johnny McCrory on his morning radio show.

Sincerely,

Wondering in Walkerville,

Dear Wondering,

There is a perfectly good reason why Mayor DeBaun didn’t give me the Key to the City and it’s not because he isn’t a fan of my column. Mayor DeBaun is not only a long-time reader of my column, but for many years he was a member of the “View From My Schwinn Precision Drill Team.”

You were probably too busy watching the lovely Schwinnettes, Hope and Heather Norris, to notice Tom. I’m hoping, now that he has retired from being mayor, he will have time to help get the drill team “parade ready again.” I’m afraid we along with our bikes have gotten a little rusty. It has been several years since we peddled together in a parade.

No, Tom didn’t give me the key to the city for purely practical reasons.  If you noticed, the only other person he gave the key to during his 12 years of being mayor was Gilbert Gottfried. At first blush, it might not be obvious what Mr. Gottfried and Mr. Quill have in common. It is that they were both leaving town. Mr. Gottfried was headed back home to New York and Mr. Quill is on his way to Australia.

The reason only people leaving are given the Key to the City is strictly practical and fiscally responsible. Since the recipient is leaving, the city doesn’t have to go to the expense of changing the locks. 

As to the possibility of me appearing in Johnny’s morning show, it’s a definite maybe. 

Today’s photograph is from a column published April 1 during one of the years when DeBaun was mayor, and the Public Square was under construction. 

Congratulations to Kid Quill on his successful tour of the U.K. I’ll try to interview him on his return from Australia.    

See you all next week, same Schwinn time, same Schwinn channel.

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