Column: Roll over Geronimo, and tell Crazy Horse the news

column-roll-over-geronimo-and-tell-crazy-horse-the-news

Dear readers,

Trigger Warning!  If you count yourself among the Antifa nihilistic anarchists who hate Christopher Columbus, better stop reading now.

Tomorrow is Columbus Day, and it looks like the Europeans are here to stay. President Franklin D. Roosevelt, a European himself, made Columbus Day a Federal Holiday in 1937.

In the 1960s, I celebrated Columbus Day by coloring pictures of Columbus’ three ships, the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria. One year, I made a shoebox diorama of Columbus wading ashore with his three ships in the background. Learning the rhyme “In 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue” helped me remember the famous date.

Columbus Day was a wonderful holiday until a couple of years ago. To celebrate nihilist mobs toppling statues of Columbus in American cities, the day was also recognized as Indigenous People’s Day. A truly boneheaded move by our federal government if there ever was one. 

Now the haters and nihilist mobs have an official reason to protest those celebrating Columbus Day. Let’s face it, the protesters should find something else to do anyway.

The Europeans first arrived 531 years ago and purchased Manhattan from the Indians for the bargain price of 60 guilders. It’s hard to tell what that would be in today’s money. Maybe I can figure out how to calculate it and I’ll circle back next week.

If you find yourself already drafting me some hate mail in your head, please hold that thought. I’m not against celebrating Indigenous People’s Day. It just needs to be on a different day. I don’t know why those who hate Columbus enough to vandalize monuments would want their day to be the date Columbus arrived anyway.

We can always enjoy another holiday. When I was growing up, I had never heard of Cinco de Mayo. Now on May 5, Americans who don’t even know why it is a day of celebration don sombreros and drink Dos Equis.

Most of the sombrero-wearing, Dos Equis drinking party goers were less than two months earlier wearing buttons that said, “Kiss Me, I’m Irish.”  Every March 17, Americans who couldn’t find Ireland on a map, eat corned beef and cabbage. It is a day when not only the beer turns green but so does the water in the canal flowing through downtown Indianapolis.

Those of you who are descendants of the indigenous people should be as angry as the Italians who don’t want to share Columbus Day. I’ll bet the leaders of Italian American organizations would join you in petitioning the government to give you your very own holiday. There are plenty of days on the calendar. Just pick a different Monday. Everyone likes a three-day weekend.

Now let’s get on with celebrating Columbus Day. The photo with today’s column is of a painting by Spanish artist Salvador Dali. The title of the painting is “The Discovery of America by Christopher Columbus.”

I saw it in St. Petersburg Florida. It is a huge painting, over 14 feet tall. 

Columbus, an Italian explorer, had been sponsored by King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain. Since Spain had sponsored the voyage, Columbus claimed the land he discovered for Spain. The first place he landed was an island he named “Hispaniola.” It is the same island now shared by the Dominican Republic and Haiti. The voodoo arrived in Haiti sometime later.

Columbus also claimed Puerto Rico for Spain. To commemorate the 500th anniversary of Columbus voyages, a colossal statue was erected in Puerto Rico. It is larger than the Statue of Liberty and made of bronze.

The sculpture depicts Columbus and his three ships. It was made by Russian artist Aurab Tsereteli. The statue is called, “The Birth of the New World.”

At 350 feet tall and weighing over a million pounds, I hope everyone gets out of the way if the anarchists topple it.

See you all next week, same Schwinn time, same Schwinn channel.

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