Column: Safety first, school’s in session

column-safety-first-school-s-in-session

Dear readers,

Take a close look at today’s school safety photo. Some of those in the photo should look familiar. (Hint there is more than one local lawyer in the photo.)

Several readers commented on last week’s column featuring my fatherly advice to my son, Trent, when he was starting sixth grade. 

A few of my favorites:

Kris, Ward Cleaver you are not. I can’t imagine Ward Cleaver ever making either Wally or the Beaver pose for such a photo. It is wonderful that Trent grew up to be the judge of Shelby Circuit Court. I doubt that you dressing him up like a nerd for a photo for your cheesy column had anything to do with his success. After re-running the photo 30 years later, I’m guessing that you might want to avoid appearing in Circuit Court.

Dear “Leave it to Beaver” fan,

Unfortunately for my kids, “Leave it to Beaver” wasn’t on TV during their childhood. Al Bundy was the reigning TV dad in those days, so the bar was set low. Joking aside, looking back at that photo 30 years later did make me appreciate what a good sport Trent was as a kid.

Dear Kris,

I knew Trent when we were both students at Shelbyville Middle School.  I don’t know if dressing him up as a lawyer at that age had anything to do with his career choice. I can tell you for sure not to feel bad about refusing to buy him Air Jordan basketball shoes. I played basketball with Trent back in the day and believe me he wasn’t headed for the NBA. 

Dear classmate of Trent’s,

Thanks for setting the record straight. I have withheld your name just in case you ever have to appear in Circuit Court.

On a completely different subject, a loyal reader had some interesting thoughts about Animal Crackers this week.

Dear Kris,

Several years ago, Nabisco, maker of Barnum’s Animal Crackers, let the animals out of their cages. As a supporter of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) I thought it was the right thing to do. I just don’t know why it took a letter writing campaign by PETA members to get the animals freed. 

I have now decided to become a vegetarian. It hasn’t been easy giving up eating meat, but I do think it was the right decision for me. Anyway, you are probably wondering what this has to do with Barnum’s Animal Crackers. 

I was wondering if you would ask your readers to join me in writing letters to Nabisco. Join me in asking Nabisco if instead of just “Animal Crackers,” they could also make “Vegetable Crackers” for us vegetarians. Maybe the Vegetable Crackers could be shaped like little carrots, cabbages, and broccoli crowns. They wouldn’t just be popular with vegetarians, but it might help moms to get their kids to eat their vegetables.

Dear New Vegetarian,

I like the way you think. But if we are going to start a letter writing campaign to Nabisco, let’s see if we can get them to use your idea on Oreos. I think most kids like them better than Animal Crackers.

If Nabisco could make Oreos shaped like meats, vegetables, and fruits then it would be so simple to get kids to eat a balanced meal.

See you all next week, same Schwinn time, same Schwinn channel.

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