Column: Super Column LVII

Dear readers,

Dust off the Roman Numerals. Today is Super Bowl LVII. 

I am LXVII, so that means the first Super Bowl was when I was only X years old. I remember that game. In those days, the TV signal came in over the ether. The signal then entered the TV through a piece of aluminum foil wrapped around the antenna. I wanted to watch the game, but sports shows never flowed down the antenna into our TV set. 

Lucky for me, my friends Larry, Robbie and Rock Robertson invited me over to their house to watch the game. The first game wasn’t even called a Super Bowl and the stadium wasn’t sold out. Entertainment at halftime was the Arizona marching band. None of the members of the band had a wardrobe malfunction. Lucky for all of us, everything has gotten better in the last XVII years, including TV reception.

Today, I will be with the rest of Team Schwinn at Giant FM 96.5 or as we are calling it today, Giant FM XCVI.V. As a country music station, we were all happy to see that country music singer, Chris Stapleton, will be singing the national anthem. 

I was planning on reporting live from the game today, but Johnny told me it wasn’t in the budget. He said maybe next year if the Super Bowl is held somewhere closer, like Boggstown. 

If you were listening to Giant FM early this morning and noticed the signal to be a little weak, I apologize. I was helping team member Susie Veerkamp (the Martha Stewart of Shelbyville) prepare for today’s party.  When I plugged in my crock pot loaded with hors d’oeuvres, I noticed that the lights dimmed for a moment. 

Today is the first time the crew here at Giant FM will meet the entire cast of Team Schwinn. You will know if it goes well if my column is still here next week. I’ve warned everyone on the team to be careful not to drip any of the cheese fondue on the broadcasting equipment. 

Like most of you we will be biding our time with small talk and beer pong waiting on the big event to start. I’m, of course, referring to the halftime show. Rihanna is this year’s halftime entertainment. She joins a long list of famous entertainers including Michael Jackson, Tom Petty, and Prince. Super Bowl XXXVIII had everyone the next day talking about Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction instead of the game.

Giant FM reporter Jeff Brown covered Super Bowl XLVI as a media representative. Madonna was the halftime entertainment that year. Jeff didn’t report seeing any wardrobe malfunction. With the outfits Madonna usually wears, it can be hard to tell.

I don’t think there will be a wardrobe malfunction this year. In fact, it is one of my sports bets. You can bet on anything these days including the coin flip or the color of Gatorade the winning players will pour on their coach. I’m taking a long shot and betting that a giant Chinese spy balloon will appear above the stadium. 

Reminder, sports fans: Don’t forget to call in sick tomorrow!

See you all next week, same Schwinn time, same Schwinn channel.

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