Column: Tastes Great, Less Filling

Dear readers,  

Over 2,000 years ago, Socrates famously said, “There is nothing new under the sun.” 

A little over 50 years ago Ray Davies of “The Kinks” in the hit song, “Lola,” sang, “Girls will be boys and boys will be girls, it’s a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world, except for Lola.” 

About that same time, David Bowie was singing, “You’ve got your mother in a whirl, she’s not sure if you’re a boy or a girl.”

Today’s topic is Dylan Mulvaney. He’s not the first, but he is the most recent pop culture sensation in a dress. I don’t know about Dylan’s mother, but he certainly has Kid Rock in a whirl.

Just seeing Dylan advertising Bud Light beer caused Kid Rock to swear off the stuff. Kid Rock was beyond angry. He stacked up several cases of Bud Light (I’m guessing his usual daily ration) and blasted the beer to kingdom come with his machine gun. 

Kid Rock’s machine gun antics was just the beginning. The Bud Light boycott started spreading faster than a virus from a Chinese wet market. 

Country music star, Brantley Gilbert, smashed a can of Bud Light on stage during a concert in Alabama. Travis Tritt announced that Budweiser products would no longer be sold at his shows. John Rich pulled the brand from his bar in Nashville.

Shock jock Howard Stern was dumbfounded, but not by Dylan in a dress promoting Bud Light. Howard was dumbfounded by Kid Rock wasting all that beer. I began to wonder if both Dylan promoting the beer and Kid Rock shooting the beer wasn’t just some avant-garde Dada performance art. 

Many of you loyal readers can’t figure out just what to make of this hullabaloo. I have had readers from as far away as Boggstown calling me for my opinion. I decided to do some investigating. Meeting with Waldron’s favorite son Jack Yeend to plan some summer festivities at The Helbing, I asked him to share his thoughts.

Jack, proving once again his uncanny ability to take any subject and draw an analogy to the Andy Griffith Show, pointed out that Barney Fife wore a dress in “The Bookie Barber” episode. According to Jack, the episode aired April 16, 1962, during the Kennedy administration.  

Floyd the barber’s dream of having a two-chair barber shop came true.  Floyd had no sooner put the new sign in the window “Two Chairs-No Waitin” when suspicions arose concerning the new barber. Somehow this all leads to Barney dressing up as a woman to prove that the new barber is really a bookie.

As Jack was retelling the Andy Griffith episode, I began to wonder.  What did Barney dressing up like a woman have to do with the current boycott of Bud Light? I then realized that Barney dressing like a woman has just as much to do with choosing a beer brand as Dylan in a dress does, very little. 

 Looking for some beer drinking experts, I stopped in Willie Farkle’s.  As I opened the door, Kid Rock was playing on the jukebox. He was singing a song about “sipping whiskey out of the bottle.” 

Maybe he has sworn off beer altogether.

Bob Reynolds was behind the bar. Bob said if Kid Rock ever came through Shelbyville, Farkle’s would be one of his stops.

With Bob’s assistance, an impromptu town hall was called to order. I shared a bit of Socrates philosophy. The beer drinkers pointed out that Socrates drank wine, so they were sticking with Willie Farkle’s philosophy.

Bob summed it up as follows:

We don’t tell Kid Rock what beer to drink, and Kid Rock doesn’t tell us what beer to drink. Unless of course, he’s buying. Life is pretty much like that jukebox. Whoever pays the money, calls the tune.   

 See you all next week, same Schwinn time, same Schwinn channel.

Get the most recent Shelby County Post headlines delivered to your email. Go to shelbycountypost.com and click on the free daily email signup link at the top of the page