Column: Does she have a sister?

Dear readers,

With the publication of “In Cold Blood,” Truman Capote claimed to have invented a new way of writing a novel. As did Norman Mailer in his genre-bending novel, “Armies of the Night.”

Last week, in a bid to bridge the generational gap, I wrote my column in a version of TikTok in text form — a series of very short, seemingly random observations. Yes, a genre-bending column.

It was so popular; I’ve done it again for those of you with such short attention spans you can’t make it through one of my usual columns. Enjoy!

Inauguration Couture – Admit it! Men may be from Mars and women from Venus, but everyone noticed Bezos fiancée Lauren Sanchez's outfit. With limited room inside the Capitol Rotunda, the good seats were harder to score than the front row at a Taylor Swift concert.

So, it’s not a surprise that billionaire Mark Zuckerberg ended up with the best view in the place. It's like winning the lottery, but instead of cash, Zuckerberg got a front-row seat to fashion history.

Roadside Roses – Remember those vendors who used to park their vans along the roadside selling roses? Where have they gone? How about the old hippies selling velvet paintings out of their vans at closed gas stations?

Now, busy intersections just have grifters with cardboard signs claiming to need money for non-existent kids or imagined tragedies. It's like trading a bouquet of roses for a bouquet of lies.

Super Bowl LIX – While we wait to see the Chiefs and Eagles clash, the commercial "When Sally Met Hellman’s" is already cruising down the information superhighway. Thanks for inventing it, Al Gore! It's like waiting for the main course but getting a sneak peek at the dessert menu. And let's be honest, who doesn't love a good condiment romance?

Valentine’s Day Couture – Hottest gift item for Valentine’s Day this year is the lace bra made famous by Lauren Sanchez at Trump’s inauguration. Because nothing says "I love you" like a piece of history that’s both scandalous and supportive.

Men from Mars, Women from Venus – What does the beautiful actress Cheryl Hines from HBO's "Curb Your Enthusiasm" see in RFK Jr.? There she was, front row at the Senate hearing, rooting for her man!

Maybe it's not what she sees in him; it's his voice. She finds his Katharine Hepburn impersonation irresistible. It's like falling in love with a vintage radio broadcast, complete with static and all.

Gold Bar Menendez – Wow, former U.S. Senator Bob Menendez got 11 years in prison this week. Note from Menendez to Old Joe Biden: "Come on, Joe, over 8,000 pardons, including everyone on death row, and you couldn't show a fellow former Senator a little love? I feel like the only kid in class who didn't get a Valentine.”

Shelbyville Next Door, Next Level – What do Meg Ryan and Shelbyville’s late Myra Conner have in common? They both dated John Mellencamp at one time. Meg when he was a famous rock star, and Myra when he was in high school. Myra got the poor but young good-looking version oozing with teenage angst. Meg got the aging rock star who looks like any old guy standing in line for the free popcorn at Rural King.

Helbing in the News – Jack Yeend is looking for ideas to better promote The Helbing this spring. Look for a possible Valentine's Day Party.

Read My Lips – After the inauguration, Mark Zuckerberg was spotted behind one of the statues in the rotunda whispering something in Jeff Bezos' ear. A lip reader standing nearby reported that Zuckerberg asked Bezos a question, “Does she have a sister?”

See you all next week, same Schwinn time, same Schwinn channel.

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